Putting it behind us

As this year comes to a close I see people say they are putting the bad of the year behind them. I'd love to just pack up the bad, send it to the garage with the Christmas decorations, and leave it there. The bad of this year is not something I can walk away from. It's not something I can wrap in a package, label "2012", and store away as if it never existed. However, I can live with the bad, knowing I have learned some real tough but rewarding lessons, and I can use that to become a better person: A better wife, a better friend, a better mother. So, as I leave 2012, knowing I am leaving the only time my daughter existed on this Earth, I leave with strong friendships, stronger love, and a heart so full for those in it that is seeps out! I'm not a mushy person, a touchy person, or a sappy person, but as we begin 2013 I want each of you to know, I do love you and I am infinitely blessed by what 2012 has brought me in spite of what 2012 took from me. Thank you! Here's to 213 being filled with hope and rainbows!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

As your seven month angelversary came and went and no one said a word to me I realized that the rest of the world is starting to forget. Not forget you, just forget the days that are difficult. The 25th of every month doesn't creep in on others and put that stinging behind their eyes that forces them to fight to breath so that tears don't spill down their cheeks. No, my girl, that only happens to your mama. That's ok though. I know you wouldn't want others to feel that way. I know you don't want me to feel that way, but I'm your mama.
Your sister and brothers and I hung the stockings and I found yours. The stocking I had picked out last year, because even at 8 weeks, I knew you were a girl. I tucked it away in hopes you'd have a little sister one day to use it. When I was hiding your sister and brothers' Christmas gifts I found the dog I had bought you in March to give to you this Christmas. Daddy bought an angel to put in the yard for you and we got a tiny purple tree, just for you. we made our annual photo book and it kills me that tour whole life fits on a two page spread. On Thanksgiving Day I found the bib that said "My 1st Thanksgiving" that each of my babies wore and you should have to. I accept these things with quiet frustration. The world is not a fair place, baby. I was supposed to have a happy near four month old right now. I miss you so much these days!