Saturday, October 13, 2012
Where Do We Go From Here?
Where do you go when your world has been turned upside down, shaken, torn apart, and is unrecognizable? Well, you slowly look around for anything familiar. You pick up the pieces and start applying some heavy duty glue to hold it together. You hit your knees and cry up in prayer for any clue as to how to proceed. This is precisely what we did and what we continue to do. Ryan and I were fortunate in the fact that we had three children at home and could not fall apart even when we wanted to. The day after McKenna was born, Thursday April 26, was our son's 5th birthday. I begged to go home. We made it in time to pick up a pizza and have Lane unwrap his gifts before putting them to bed. My children always have these big parties with these cakes that I spend hours making. They love their cakes and as soon as one birthday is over they start planing for their next cake. It's something we share and hopefully one of those memories they hold on to long into adulthood. Therefore, it is very important to me. I was horrified I couldn't do this for him, but I could barely walk. We had her funeral the following day and I was readmitted to the hospital that evening with an extremely high blood pressure. That meant I would miss Kayla's dance competition on Saturday morning. All I wanted was to attempt to get back to normal and it wasn't happening! I knew Ryan just wanted to sleep in our bed, not on the uncomfortable window seat couch! We went home late on Saturday night. That meant we would be able to still get day two of Kayla's competition and have a tiny party (with a store ordered cake) for Lane. Each of things were a step towards normal. Each was a piece we could pick up and put back together. So where do we get this magic glue to hold it together? Well, that glue is love. The only things we seemed to know anymore was that we loved each other, we loved McKenna, and we loved our children. But...is love enough to hold together such a broken, shattered world?
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